one to go

[photos from simplybreakfast.blogspot.com]

I think we can all agree that this has been a pretty full-on week. Stroke, procrastination in response to the scariness of next week. And the thought of all the stuff due next term...aiyaaa.

I feel as though I have a lot to say, but I can't quite work out how to say it properly. Twice I have deleted paragraphs so far, as I have rendered them uninteresting or boring. There are definately some things on my mind, but unfortunately due to my crappy kindergarden standard english skills, I cannot manage to verbalise them properly.

These days, I have been training myself to keep my mouth shut better. To little success. Somehow, I always manage to come across as rude and anti-social, when really I am trying to prevent myself from launching spit-balls and useless, whiney spews of pathetic comments, often complaining or insulting something. It's all this negative energy that makes me seem really artificial, and not a nice person. Unfortunately, as it has been to little success, my main bursts of insulting/aggressive statements tend to release all the energy that I have been holding back, usually in the form of a really immature/selfish outburst. To my uber tolerant and patient friends, I'm really sorry for my strange and insulting/angry sounding comments I make, I almost always regret them afterwards, but never have the guts to apologise.

On that pleasant note, I actually started tutoring this week. Maths. When I enter the college, I feel out of place and awkward, literally like a noob - I don't think I really understood the meaning of the word before. Everyone is friendly to one another, goes to a different school, has a 50% chance of being a guy (SCARY), looks at me weirdly like I noob that doesn't belong and most importantly is KOREAN. Just another reminder that I fail at being who I should be, I can't speak Korean like everyone else is, I don't look Korean, I don't act korean, I'm not surrounded by Korean friends (except for Sang Sang --> copying Jo's nickname) which basically makes me a Korean NUB.

NB: regardless of that rant, the tutoring itself is fine. It's just my retarded artificial outlook/paranoia that isn't.

*breathes* Ok then. Signing off. Looking forward to tomorrow nights dinner with Audrey! Also secretly longing to go to Glebe and magically locate the pair of glasses I spotted once (and for some stupid stupid reason didn't get) and magically buy them to magically fill with prescription (my eyeballs have deteriorated AGAIN) which would be magical, but highly unlikely.

I hope you all have a magical weekend! Carrie